one day i will learn how to kayak and talk to people (oahu 2023-10-21)

kayaking at kailua beach
I woke up early. I was still on California time. A brief wave of pensiveness caught me, and I thought, it's not too late to not go. Or to do something I'm more used to, like hiking, walking around. I didn't know how to kayak. I've only been once or twice, with others, in calm waters. But what I did know was why I was hesitating, even at the last. It wasn't because of not knowing enough, or even possible danger. I was scared to make a fool of myself.

Knowing this pushed me out of bed and out of my hotel room. I couldn't keep hesitating like this, over every small feeling of reluctance. Wasn't this a piece of why I was here? Aside from vacation and escapism and pretending I didn't have to return to work ever. To prove to myself that I could be alone and not afraid. Well, not afraid was probably too much to ask, but if I could move myself through this world despite whatever unfounded fears I held, that would be worth just as much. 

( attempting to paddle around )