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on the way out (oahu 2023-10-26)
My flight out was around lunch time. The timing was good. I think I was starting to feel a little lonely and a little tired, a little like I missed home. Not so much the place itself, but the familiarity of it, of friends, of sleeping in my own bed.
I had enough time to stop by nu’uanu okazuya to grab some food for lunch and nisshodo to grab some chichi dango and mochi before I went to the airport. The food from the okazuya was okay, more of a could-eat-there-if-you're-already-there-and-need-some-food place for me. The nisshodo mochi and dango had a nice texture but were too sweet for me. I liked the kinako chichi dango the best out of those, since I do love kinako and it offset some of the sweetness.
So, final thoughts. Not bad for a first time traveling semi-solo. For someone who doesn't travel much and whose enjoyment of travel depends almost entirely on who I'm with, could've been a lot worse. From what I can tell, Hawaii's a good choice for traveling alone. Friendly people, easy driving, good range of activities, good food at a variety of price points, felt pretty safe.
Highlights:
Lowlights:
Can't say I like traveling alone. The good moments didn't feel as good without someone to share them with, and the bad moments felt worse. It also didn't feel great seeing that even now, after all these years of existing as a person in this world, when I'm by myself I feel small, self-conscious, afraid. And of what, I don't know. I've always known I'm not all that brave or strong or self-assured, but I suppose when I'm with other people I can convince myself otherwise. Courage in numbers, or something. By myself, it feels as if the walls that shield me from myself are peeled away and I'm forced to face that I'm still far from the person I want to be.
But maybe that means this is good for me. Not the traveling itself—while I do feel like it's valuable to see different parts of the world, I feel that there's only so much you can see from a tourist perspective, and I've always been of the opinion that being in a different place cannot change the fundamentals of who you are. But more the forcing myself to do things I'm uncomfortable with alone. To do things that have me feeling small and self-conscious, to let those awkward meetups happen.
I don't know. I waver. I want to think there's no need to force myself to do things I dislike, but I also feel like if I don't try to face the world alone, maybe one day I won't be able to face it at all.
Well, that's a melodramatic note to end this on, but it's nice to finally have all my thoughts down on paper. On "paper". To future me, I hope that when you look back on these memories in some distant future, you can view them with fondness and laugh a little at your past self, no matter how little or how much you may have changed by then.
I had enough time to stop by nu’uanu okazuya to grab some food for lunch and nisshodo to grab some chichi dango and mochi before I went to the airport. The food from the okazuya was okay, more of a could-eat-there-if-you're-already-there-and-need-some-food place for me. The nisshodo mochi and dango had a nice texture but were too sweet for me. I liked the kinako chichi dango the best out of those, since I do love kinako and it offset some of the sweetness.
So, final thoughts. Not bad for a first time traveling semi-solo. For someone who doesn't travel much and whose enjoyment of travel depends almost entirely on who I'm with, could've been a lot worse. From what I can tell, Hawaii's a good choice for traveling alone. Friendly people, easy driving, good range of activities, good food at a variety of price points, felt pretty safe.
Highlights:
- delicious japanese and hawaiian food, very fresh raw fish. all. the. musubis. special places in my heart for waiahole poi factory, nanzan giro giro, inaba soba, do-ne, helena's, aloha bake shop. best meal: nanzan giro giro. best dessert: sweet lady from the poi factory. best poke: k bay bros
- turtle canyon tour with 5 sea turtles and cute snorkel guide
- hanging out with the usually elusive roommate
- amazing hikes with beautiful views and lots of fun rope climbing. watching the sun rise. favorite: kuliʻouʻou ridge-pu'u 'o kona loop trail
Lowlights:
- the heat and humidity
- getting hit on by the kayak rentals guy, awkward meet ups with near strangers, and maybe I don't know how to say no when it matters
- the most uncomfortable final dinner at gaku, disappointing tonkatsu don at ginza bairin
- being alone sometimes feels like staring into a deep pool and seeing a reflection of the ugliest sides of yourself
Can't say I like traveling alone. The good moments didn't feel as good without someone to share them with, and the bad moments felt worse. It also didn't feel great seeing that even now, after all these years of existing as a person in this world, when I'm by myself I feel small, self-conscious, afraid. And of what, I don't know. I've always known I'm not all that brave or strong or self-assured, but I suppose when I'm with other people I can convince myself otherwise. Courage in numbers, or something. By myself, it feels as if the walls that shield me from myself are peeled away and I'm forced to face that I'm still far from the person I want to be.
But maybe that means this is good for me. Not the traveling itself—while I do feel like it's valuable to see different parts of the world, I feel that there's only so much you can see from a tourist perspective, and I've always been of the opinion that being in a different place cannot change the fundamentals of who you are. But more the forcing myself to do things I'm uncomfortable with alone. To do things that have me feeling small and self-conscious, to let those awkward meetups happen.
I don't know. I waver. I want to think there's no need to force myself to do things I dislike, but I also feel like if I don't try to face the world alone, maybe one day I won't be able to face it at all.
Well, that's a melodramatic note to end this on, but it's nice to finally have all my thoughts down on paper. On "paper". To future me, I hope that when you look back on these memories in some distant future, you can view them with fondness and laugh a little at your past self, no matter how little or how much you may have changed by then.