snacking my way thru 2023
Jan. 5th, 2024 07:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cheez2023 was the year of snacks. Too many snacks, really. I've been trying to deny it, but I guess at some point I have to come to terms with the truth. Being around snacks makes me feel a little crazy, and not in a good way. I hate it because I want to be able to do something as simple as eat a cracker I like without stuffing myself until I feel sick, but after so many times of repeating the same patterns of buying for a week and eating in a day, not stopping until my stomach is physically in pain, I have to admit to at least myself that I no longer have that self-control. That my relationship with food has been deteriorating for some time now. That snacks, my love, my bae, are a big part of it. I'm lucky, maybe, that I don't feel this way about normal meals most of the time. Lucky, also, that no one has noticed.
This is what makes me feel the most old, more than the inability to sit for too long without stiffness or mild back pain, more than the appearance of wrinkles or white hair, more than the growing monotony of work, of feeling like I'm spinning in an endless hamster wheel, wishing someone would let me stop. It's remembering that I never used to feel crazy about food. I used to be one of the lucky ones. I ate what my parents gave me, I enjoyed my three meals a day and snacks, and didn't think too much about it. So I don't know how I got here.
Or maybe it's easy, really. You binge eat once and you realize that you could do it every day. That there's no one to stop you. Maybe that's the only difference, that once there was someone to stop me and now there is no one but myself. And I've never been able to rely on myself, in any of the ways that matter.
I've never been able to stop me.
I'm lucky though, that my personal problems are trivial like this. And all problems of my own making too. In that way, they are fixable. Even though I don't know if I will be able to fix them, the possibility is there, and that gives me hope.
Also, eating all the snacks means I get to rank all the snacks, so that's fun.
gimme gimme moar:
This is what makes me feel the most old, more than the inability to sit for too long without stiffness or mild back pain, more than the appearance of wrinkles or white hair, more than the growing monotony of work, of feeling like I'm spinning in an endless hamster wheel, wishing someone would let me stop. It's remembering that I never used to feel crazy about food. I used to be one of the lucky ones. I ate what my parents gave me, I enjoyed my three meals a day and snacks, and didn't think too much about it. So I don't know how I got here.
Or maybe it's easy, really. You binge eat once and you realize that you could do it every day. That there's no one to stop you. Maybe that's the only difference, that once there was someone to stop me and now there is no one but myself. And I've never been able to rely on myself, in any of the ways that matter.
I've never been able to stop me.
I'm lucky though, that my personal problems are trivial like this. And all problems of my own making too. In that way, they are fixable. Even though I don't know if I will be able to fix them, the possibility is there, and that gives me hope.
Also, eating all the snacks means I get to rank all the snacks, so that's fun.
gimme gimme moar:
- that one brand at the chinese store of sesame or salt soda crackers
- kalbee shrimp chips
- wasabi peas
- trader joe's
- pumpkin seeds (the raw ones, you gotta toast these yourself cuz the toasted and salted ones are no bueno)
- sweet & salty umami crunchies
- chakri mix
- crunchy curls
- bamba snacks
- herbes de provence triangles
- corn or original pretz
- digestives
- zhongwang fried dough twist
- imei almond cookies
- those chinese mini pecans
- dried sweet potato strips
- kee wah pastries
- stacy's pita chips
- bulk section vegetable chips
- andersen's ube muffin
- gardetto's
- goldfish
- chestnuts
- bloom bites frozen flower cake
- samanco green tea fish ice cream
- gugen corn popsicle
- magnolia ube and red bean popsicle
- flavors of pretz that aren't corn or original
- cheezits
- the korean corn wafer ice cream (doesn't taste enough like corn, not bad though)
- hot cheetos
- trader joe's
- spicy snack bar mix (not bad but too salty)
- big bucket choco chip cookies
- mee krob crackers
- trail mix crackers
- melona ube popsicle (too sweet)
- crab roe broad beans
- potato chips
- trader joe's
- papadums
- triple ginger snaps
- nuts about rosemary mix
- fig and olive crisps
